PSA Home Edition

Attention all those who bathe on a semi regular basis: Walk, do not run to your hot water tank. Stare it sternly in the eye whilst calculating the approximate age of said water tank – eye contact is important. Hot water tanks can sense weakness and will respond in kind. You should not glare at it too fiercely though, as hot water tanks frighten easily and will then pee all over your floor.

If said hot water tank is over eight years old you must immediately turn off the water to your tank, flip the power breaker to the off position and go buy a new hot water tank. No ifs ands or buts. Do it.

Alas, no one shared this tip with me. My hot water tank was 23 years old and while I knew that it was a real possibility that someday I would turn on the faucet marked “hot” and only cold water would issue forth, I never expected it would burst its seams in the middle of the night, immediately dumping 50 gallons of hot water on my floors, followed by untold gallons of water that continued to pour forth. All. Night. Long.

When I awoke at five in the morning I stepped in something cold and wet and cursed my old dog. But the next step I took convinced me that even Buddy’s supersized bladder was not to blame. I waded out into the hall, blinking in confusion –it was 5 A.M. after all—hearing water running but not knowing what the heck was happening. Broken pipes? But it’s not freezing outside. Cat shenanigans in the sink? But there is an overflow drain.

Thankfully at that moment my son Devin woke up, tracked down the source of the water problem and shut off the cold water valve. Then we stood in ankle deep water and squinted at each other—I did say that it was five o’clock, right?

Next week: The saga continues...