NYCzzzzzz

I just got back from spending three weeks in The City that Doesn’t Sleep and boy, am I tired. 

Usually one would use an exclamation mark at the end of a sentence like the previous one to show special emphasis. Alas, I am too tired for such energetic punctuation; expect a lot of trailing of ellipsis marks as a true representation of my state of lethargy. 

I went to NYC to help a friend—let’s call him Philip, Hi Philip-- get ready for “Market”. What is “Market” you ask? Is it where you go to buy a fat pig? Is it jiggity-jig? Is it like going “Out Town”? (No, no, and not really.)

Market is like Fashion Week in NYC, only instead of showcasing haute couture it’s for textiles: sheets, bedding, towels (towels are THE WORST. Trust me on this.) At Market, there are no skinny models parading around. And no runways, just showrooms. But other than that—same-same. Buyers come to look at the product and place orders for their stores: Macy’s, Pottery Barn, Target, Walmart, Marshalls, etc. Philip’s job was to design the showrooms for various clients and show off their product. Three—then four-- overlapping jobs, all culminating at the same time. Busy doesn’t begin to describe it.

There are customers—like Waverly fabrics—that want a concept piece. In my humble opinion, concept pieces are the most creative and the most fun. More fun than just finding clever ways to make a bed or fold a towel. Philip’s idea for Waverly was to create an indoor greenhouse and use the fabrics to create topiaries. Plus, there were spinning plates and wallpaper and dancing brooms—truly, you should have been there. If you happen to go to NYC before April 7 you still can. The showroom was such a success that they are leaving it in place until then.

Philip, Fiona & Ray: Building a greenhouse...indoors. Because NYC

My job was to cover all 8,492 Styrofoam balls—give or take, that number might be slightly inflated. By eighty-four hundred-- 6” and 8” in diameter, with fabric. This involved a hot glue gun, industrial strength hot glue sticks, and lots of swearing. The bonus good news is that I can now become an international jewel thief because my fingertips are now fingerprint free. No flying to Switzerland for expensive fingerprint removal surgery, I DIYed it. I’m crafty like that.

Philip claims he invited me to NYC because I love gardening and flowers and who better to help him bring his greenhouse vision to life? I suspect he has an aversion to industrial strength hot glue and evil intent involving the Crown Jewels.

Next week: I discover the secret of TCTDS.

Up to Date, Dater, DATEST

Last week’s column was so last week. This week the world has moved on. Last week I mentioned to a dear friend that I was on the cutting edge of relevance, that I was “with it,” that it’s not like I was “PONG in an Angry Birds world, for heaven’s sake!”

It was so sweet the way my friend—who shall remain nameless-- Hi Nameless!--- never mentioned that it was an Angry Birds 2 world now. Or at least it was when I wrote that sentence. Perhaps it’s an Angry Birds X world by the time you read this. Don’t shoot the messenger. Things change.

“Ah,” I imagine you saying, “so the world has moved on. Is that your way of saying you didn’t write what you said you’d write, when you said you’d write it?”

No, of course not! I mean, perhaps. Kind of.  Where was I?

Last week—which I’ve already establishes was SO LAST WEEK—I was addressing the relevant topic of Mission Statement, Beliefs and Code of Conduct as it relates to we here at Over My Garden Gate. And by “we” I mean me. To recap:

My Beliefs, in a nut shell: 1) I’m convinced I’m funny. 2) Elk are evil, yet delicious. 3) Whatever topic I’m currently yammering on about. 4) Don’t read too much into the phrase “nut shell.”

My Code of Conduct is that I will never to push a belief on you that I, myself, haven’t held. For at least twenty minutes. Promise.

My Mission Statement: ***still under construction***

It takes a lot of work to craft a Mission Statement. It’s not like you can just sit down and make one up, I know, I’ve tried. Mission statements require a lot of “current speak” but cannot be clichéd. A mission statement must “lean in,” while being “forward thinking.” A mission statement should probably avoid getting dizzy at the same time. It should be punchy and pithy and to the point. A little grandiosity wouldn’t hurt. Eloquence is also good. The ease to which you can fit your mission statement on a bumper sticker, t-shirt or a coffee mug is also important. Branding MATTERS. Shipping should be free. I should probably update my Beliefs to include free shipping.

Maybe next week?