Product Review: Stinky Spray

I’ve been using a stinky spray called “Liquid Fence” in an effort to spoil the appetites of marauding elk. I’m here to tell you it doesn’t work on elk.

The label says that unlike “other repellents that require the animals to browse to be effective, Liquid Fence works on scent,” so animals don’t even have to take a taste to be repelled. “Because the animals’ natural aversion to this scent will never diminish, Liquid Fence DOES NOT have to be rotated with other repellent brands.”

This turns out not to be true. Elk eat it anyway. I have the photos to prove it.

The label says “100% money back guarantee” and so I spoke to the fine people at Liquid Fence to let them know their product could use some revamping. The Fine People gently informed me that the label also says, “Deer and Rabbit” ---had I seen any deer and rabbits in my yard?

No, I admitted, no sign of deer, or rabbits.

The Fine People suggested that their product did, indeed, work. What the label DOESN’T mention is elk deterrence.

I casually mentioned that the label didn’t mention Unicorns, but I hadn’t seen any of those in my yard either, perhaps they’d like to update their label?

The Fine People at Liquid Fence seemed to be counting silently to ten, then asked for my address.

To be fair, it’s not their fault that I’d rather have my flowers and a product that works on elk, rather than to have my money refunded. To be fair, their product apparently works exactly as designed—I’ve seen neither deer-hide, nor hare-hair.

To be fair, I know some people who swear by Liquid Fence, perhaps it works for them. Yay, them.  Perhaps my location has inadvertently bred a subspecies of elk with either defective nasal passages or a sophisticated palate, or both. Yay me.