Weather Talk

 

Lake Chelan

Last weekend was all birthday shenanigans with friends and we ventured to Lake Chelan in search of the elusive sun.

We were sitting around the fire the first night --an assortment of friends, including a new friend who had recently arrived from Texas. The talk, as it often does, turned to the weather. Texas friend asked when he could expect summer to arrive and without hesitation, the two of the native Pacific North Westerners answered “July fifth!”

 

Unless July fifth falls on a weekend, I added. Then you can expect summer to arrive the following Monday.

I think he thought we were joking, but weather rules are a Thing. Everyone knows that in the Pacific Northwest—specifically eastern Lewis County—summer does not reliably arrive until after the first week in July. Odds are, July 4th will be a bit rainy, but as soon as we get it behinds us—full bloom summer. Unless July 5th falls on a weekend. If it does, the weather could remain rainy, but NO MATTER WHAT-- the sun is guaranteed to come out on the first Monday after the 4th of July holiday. IT’S A RULE. NO RAIN AFTER JULY 5. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.

Oh, sure—sometimes Mother Nature forgets and summer arrives off-schedule. Take last summer, for example, when we experienced a phenomenal heat wave in June, with temperatures over the 110* mark for multiple days. Glaciers melted, rivers raged and ice cubes were the new currency. 

This year, we’ve had MayVember weather—instead of sun and heat, we’ve had rain and more rain--cold rain that made opening day of Gardening Season seem unattainable, and sunshine seem like it was something we don’t do anymore...

But my weather app on my phone promises that by the time you are reading this, summer should actually act like summer. Break out the sunblock!

"Je Suis Prest"

"I am ready" 
(for you non-Outlander fans)

Welcome to Packwood, Memorial Day Elk Rules Edition

 Welcome to Packwood! Memorial Day kicks off Visitors’ Season* in our tiny mountain town, high in the Washington Cascades. Please enjoy your visit. For your elucidation, I have put together a list of guidelines that will make your stay more pleasant. 

For me.

The Rules Governing Elk

1) Elk don’t follow rules. 

The Rules Governing Visitors and Elk

1) Elk don’t follow rules.

2) Don’t be like Elk.

3) Please enjoy the spontaneous elk parades that will take place at random intervals. Elk will wander out into the highway so that you can stop and enjoy their majesty. Please do.

4) Please watch for elk that will dash out in front of oncoming vehicles. There is almost always more than one. It is not considered a parade. Consider it a threat.

5) No, the Elk are not trucked in by the Disney Company. They do not talk.

6) No, you should not try to pet them.

7) Or feed them. If you really want to feed elk, I suggest you buy an alfalfa truck and park it, fully loaded, in town. This is the traditional way of feeding elk. Google it.

Googled it for you

8) Do not let them have your IPA. Elk are terrible drunks.  

9) Yes, you can take one home with you. In fact, every visitor is allowed to take home six elk, each. Per visit. Did I say allowed? I meant REQUIRED.

10) Please do not allow the elk to drive. Actually, don’t allow them in your vehicle as elk are terrible back seat drivers as well, and have been known to chew on the upholstery.

11) U-Haul trucks are available in town to transport your elk. Yes. That’s why they’re there.

12) Once you take the elk, they are yours. DO NOT TRY TO RETURN YOUR USED ELK.

The Rules Governing Locals, Elk and Visitors 

1) Elk don’t follow rules.

2) Visitors are leaning the rules. Please back me up on these rules. Especially the six elk/each, thing. I really think it might work.

3) Deer Season starts September 1. Permit required. Limit one.

4) Elk Season starts November 6. Permit required. Limit one.

5) Visitors’ Season* starts May 26. Please remember that no permits for hunting visitors will be issued.

Weather Rules: 2020 Edition

I don’t make the rules. 

Apparently.

My understanding of the weather was that it followed certain basic patterns—rules, if you will.

Rule #1: It starts raining in earnest in November and does not stop until April.

Rule #2: The prior rule maybe superseded by periods of snow.

Rule #3: The rains, from April to July, turn to showers and may be periodically interrupted by the sun. Or snow.

Rule #4: Summer—warm to hot, day after day of sunshine, no rain—you know, SUMMER? Summer begins on July 5^th—unless July 5^th falls on a weekend, then summer begins on the following Monday and runs—WITHOUT RAIN—until the second weekend in August, (Logger’s Jubilee, for the uninitiated) which **may** have a shower or two. THOSE ARE THE RULES.

Imagine my dismay to find Mother Nature flagrantly flouting this time-honored tradition! What use are rules, if she’s not going to follow them? Why was I so stoic all thru June, if not to be rewarded with WALL TO WALL SUNSHINE in July? How will I grow enough zucchini to menace my friends and family?

Last week, I started wondering if maybe we shouldn’t unplug Mother Nature, count to ten, and then plug her back in. Something was clearly WRONG. Since I didn’t know where her power cord plugged in, I had to settle for percussive maintenance, and stomped around, muttering under my breath.

That seems to have worked—based on all the happy little sunshine icons my phone weather app is now showing me for the foreseeable future. You’re welcome. But it got me to thinking—perhaps I should run as an alternative candidate to Mother Nature? I’m mildly qualified—I’m a mom, I love nature, except for the part where the mama lion eats the baby gazelle. Or the part where she **doesn’t** and then goes back to her starving babies. Clearly, that part needs improving. Don’t worry, I’ll think of something.

Oh, sure, if I get the job I know I’ll have to put up with people complaining all the time; “Snow, I love snow, more snow.” Or “I like it cooler, could we take the temperature down a few degrees?” Or “Last week was perfect, can we just have last week all the time?”

Fine. If you like your weather, you can keep your weather, I promise. But for the rest of us—I’ll just lay out some Weather Rules, and since we all know what to expect—NO COMPLAINING.