Fantasy Meets Reality

I told you about learning of the existence of Scary Man, the caped crusader –sans the cape-- of the Department of Fish and Wildlife, charged with the important task of keeping my arch-enemies out of my flower gardens. 

I had imagined that Scary Man would be eight to twelve feet tall and look not unlike the huge Air Dancers you see outside of car dealerships. You know the ones, large inflatable devices comprised of a long tube attached to a fan which causes the tube to move in a dancing motion, flailing their long tube arms about and bending suddenly at the waist. My Scary Man Air Dancer would have an evil grin on his fierce face, scaring elk not only out of their ever-loving minds but out of my garden as well...

Sigh.

As with most set-ups your friends talk you into, Scary Man was not as I had imagined him to be. He was short—at 5’ 7” I could easily see the part in his hair, if he had hair--- and not to be unkind about it, he was a little dumpy as well. Still, I hoped his personality would be as intimidating as Wildlife Conflict Specialist Tammy Conklin described.

Tammy hung out for a little while and helped Scary Man and I get better acquainted. She showed me all of his options—lights, noise, or lights AND noise-- and special features. Scary Man comes complete with his own “box” that includes a small battery-- the type you would use for your lawn and garden tractor, as well as for plastic tent pegs to stake him down with. But the very best thing about Scary Man is that he has eyes in the back of his head. Or, I suppose you could say that he is two-faced, but that has such an ugly connotation and we are just getting to know one another...I remain optimistic.

Next week: Scary Man Moves In