There’s a Scary Man in
my yard.
No, truly, there is.
Due to certain changes in both the policies of the Washington Department of
Fish and Wildlife and a major change in my personal circumstances, a Kill
Permit is not a reasonable response to my current elk infestation. Neither, it
seems, is Napalm but I confess that I have had moments when nuking my garden to
get at the invading elk seems totally reasonable.
But, perhaps, I am a
little overly emotional around the edges these days, so when Wildlife Conflict
Specialist Tammy Conklin suggested other alternatives to Total Elk Annihilation
I begrudgingly listened. As an avid gardener herself, Tammy knows the pain of
nurturing a plant only to see it chomped down in the prime of life by a greedy
elk. And as she told me of the new toy, TOOL in her arsenal I became
intrigued. Tammy suggested that in addition to all the other measures I was
employing against the elk, the stinky spays, the scarecrow sprinklers---and, if
I’m honest, the temper tantrums---that what my garden really needed was a Scary
Man.
Imagine if you will, a
calm moonlight setting, just before first light. All is quiet and peaceful when
ninja elk mount a pre-dawn raid on my petunias. But before they can fully enjoy
the first mouthful, the marauding elk are attacked by Scary Man, who bursts out
of his benign appearing crate like some sort of demented jack-in-the-box,
wobbling violently to and fro whilst lights and/or sounds send the elk fleeing
in terror. I’ll admit the thought made me smile and Tammy agreed to introduce
me to Scary Man.
Next week: Fantasy
meets Reality.
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