Let It Glow

Sunglasses recommended

I might have mentioned before that I have some strong opinions on the necessity of having the Perfect Christmas Tree. It must be green, taller than me but shorter than my ceiling, and all its imperfections should ideally be located on one side—the side I’m going to cram up against the wall anyway.

If the tree meets these stringent requirements it is now on its way to being The Best Christmas Tree Ever. Any other “flaws” that the tree has will easily be camouflaged with no less than 1,500 lights---and remember, in this case more is always better. I’m a firm believer that you can’t judge what you can’t see and that glare is now your new best friend. If you are generous with the lights everything else becomes less important. And less visible. The tree, however, will be visible from outer space.

But Sue, I hear you asking, how will I know I have enough lights on my tree?

That’s simple—apply all the strands of lights you have. Now step back, squint your eyes and look for any dark spots. If you see any, go buy more lights and apply them to the dark areas. Lather. Rinse. Repeat as necessary. Figure at least 100 lights per foot of tree. Now double it. AT LEAST. More is better. Too much doesn’t exist.

 Once you have eradicated any areas of darkness and your entire tree is a dazzle it is probably wise to apply some sun block—SPF 30 or better—because safety first, people. Nobody wants to get a sunburn whilst decorating their tree. Although, if you truly have draped enough lights on your tree it’s going to be very hard for people to see what, if any, ornaments you have adorned your tree with. Investing the time up front to “over-do” the lights will pay off when you decide to go take a nap after only apply HALF of the usual ornaments.

More lights equal more napping time, win-win.