Up to Date, Dater, DATEST

Last week’s column was so last week. This week the world has moved on. Last week I mentioned to a dear friend that I was on the cutting edge of relevance, that I was “with it,” that it’s not like I was “PONG in an Angry Birds world, for heaven’s sake!”

It was so sweet the way my friend—who shall remain nameless-- Hi Nameless!--- never mentioned that it was an Angry Birds 2 world now. Or at least it was when I wrote that sentence. Perhaps it’s an Angry Birds X world by the time you read this. Don’t shoot the messenger. Things change.

“Ah,” I imagine you saying, “so the world has moved on. Is that your way of saying you didn’t write what you said you’d write, when you said you’d write it?”

No, of course not! I mean, perhaps. Kind of.  Where was I?

Last week—which I’ve already establishes was SO LAST WEEK—I was addressing the relevant topic of Mission Statement, Beliefs and Code of Conduct as it relates to we here at Over My Garden Gate. And by “we” I mean me. To recap:

My Beliefs, in a nut shell: 1) I’m convinced I’m funny. 2) Elk are evil, yet delicious. 3) Whatever topic I’m currently yammering on about. 4) Don’t read too much into the phrase “nut shell.”

My Code of Conduct is that I will never to push a belief on you that I, myself, haven’t held. For at least twenty minutes. Promise.

My Mission Statement: ***still under construction***

It takes a lot of work to craft a Mission Statement. It’s not like you can just sit down and make one up, I know, I’ve tried. Mission statements require a lot of “current speak” but cannot be clichéd. A mission statement must “lean in,” while being “forward thinking.” A mission statement should probably avoid getting dizzy at the same time. It should be punchy and pithy and to the point. A little grandiosity wouldn’t hurt. Eloquence is also good. The ease to which you can fit your mission statement on a bumper sticker, t-shirt or a coffee mug is also important. Branding MATTERS. Shipping should be free. I should probably update my Beliefs to include free shipping.

Maybe next week?