Step Into My Parlor

I dreamed last night I built my fence...

In my dream, I had gone into my garage in stompy fit of rage and desperation—did I mention how very life-like the dream was? Anyway, I’m in my garage, after suffering an attack on my newly-planted tree, urgently looking for fence building materials—the elk are coming! The elk are coming! When what did I spy with my little eye but a jumbo-sized roll of duct tape. Viola! And Eureka! Gadzooks!

Dream fence building is a lot like home renovation “as seen on TV.” There are a few highlights of a bit of the construction, a couple of light-hearted blooper moments—ha-ha, look at Sue with the duct tape tangled in her hair—an uplifting soundtrack, possible some footage played at twice the normal speed for both time constraints and comedic effect. Before you know it, the fence is built, cue the long, sweeping shot of The Project.

The Project looked an awful lot like a giant spider had constructed a web around my property, nine feet high, sticky-side facing out, using duct tape. Even in my dream the visual was a sobering one. What god-fearing elk would dare stick his—more likely HER—face into a giant spiderweb? Zero elk.

Yet, even in my dream, the wicked perfidiousness of elk would not let me rest. I kind of blame my local telephone repair guy for frightening me with stories of elk laying down on the ground to squirm under his fence, wriggling and hoofing their way towards his pears for my dream devolving into a nightmare. And devolve it did.  After only a single dream-night, the elk returned in force to assault my fence. The first wave hung on the sticky tape like macabre decorations, but their shedding nullified the sticky defensive power of my fence. Then the next wave attacked.

Thankfully, it was at this point I woke up.