Let's Talk Turkey, Shall We?

 

You may have seen those reminders making their way around the internet the last two weeks or so; handy little charts that tell you that if your turkey is “X” pounds you need to get it out of the freezer and into the fridge “Y” number of days ahead of time so that it can sufficiently defrost before The Big Day. I never have to worry about all that X/Y math/science stuff, because I buy a fresh turkey and just keep it in the fridge to begin with, as our forefathers intended.

...Except for that one year when my house fridge was too crowded for a 20 lb. turkey and I had to use the small former-dorm-room-now-turned-garage-fridge...

A twenty-pound turkey will pretty much max out the capacity of a small former-dorm-room-now-turned-garage-fridge—and by “max-out” I mean I had to remove all the interior shelves and stand the bird on his, or her, tail. It took a bit of wiggling and finessing but I managed to get the fresh, never frozen fowl into the mini fridge. I was all set for Thanksgiving morning, no need to cross reference the weight of the turkey with the days on the calendar. Easy peasy.

On Thanksgiving morning, I went out to the garage to get my fresh bird to begin the day’s preparations only to find a frosty 20 lb. bird in its place. I am told that the sight of me dragging a frozen turkey into the house has left an indelible mark in the memory of all those who witnessed it—well, that and the colorful language. 

Needless to say, dinner was a bit later that Thanksgiving. Fortunately, my good friend Betty had a helpful tip about tightly wrapping the (thawed) bird in foil and then setting your oven to “Cremate.” This technique cuts the 5 to 6-hour cooking time down to a more acceptable three hours. And if you distract your friends and family with emergency appetizers, preferably something very rich and filling ---

—I used a block of cream cheese, softened in the microwave on a plate. Pour on a small jar of cocktail sauce, top with small shrimp, and serve with a boatload of crackers. Serve with a few rounds cranberry martinis—they won’t mind too much that Thanksgiving Day Dinner has become Thanksgiving Night Dinner.

Happy Thanksgiving!