Up to Date and Totally Relevant

In these perilous days, when journalists and writers face charges of “Fake News,” seemingly every time they write something unpopular, I thought it best to go on record with my Beliefs, Mission Statement and Code of Conduct.

Which means I must write one, a Mission Statement that is. My “Beliefs” I’ll happily yammer on at you at length, week after week. A friend once told me I was the funniest person I know, and I had to agree with him. I never fail to laugh at my own jokes. Even though most of the jokes I know exist only in the form of punch lines. They’re the most memorable part to me. I may no longer remember the joke*, but by golly “Gramma made it for me!” or “...And set your clock back!” never fail to make me laugh. (*if you happen to remember these jokes please tell it to me. I’ll supply the punchline. And I promise to laugh.)

My Beliefs, in a nut shell: 1) I’m convinced I’m funny. 2) Elk are evil, yet delicious. 3) Whatever topic I’m currently yammering on about. 4) Don’t read too much into the phrase “nut shell.”

 My Code of Conduct is that I will never to push a belief on you that I, myself, haven’t held. For at least twenty minutes. Promise.

“For only twenty minutes?”  I imagine you asking, “That seems—rash.”

No, not rash—relevant. Fresh, if you will. Fresh from my brain to the page in front of you, with very little time for those pesky rewrites. Usually written in those creatively charged hours RIGHT BEFORE THE DEADLINE, OH DEAR HEAVENS WHY DIDN’T I DO THIS YESTERDAY? I THOUGHT I MADE SOME SORT OF NEW YEARS RESOLUTUION TO--- oh. Note to self: actually make New Year’s Resolutions final.

"Not throwing away my SHOT"

Sometimes life comes at you fast. I didn’t write this week’s column ahead of time because I was too busy practicing showtunes –specifically those to Hamilton. If you’d like me to perform them for you just ask. Better yet, if given the chance, sell your kidney and go see it. It’s playing in Seattle thru the middle of next month and I only need one kidney anyway...totally worth it.

Next week: more fresh relevance. Possibly a Mission Statement. Maybe Resolutions.  Whatever. Guaranteed** funny or double your money back.

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