Mow Better

Lately, I have had the opportunity to reflect on the differences between riding lawn mowers and push mowers and I have come to the well-researched conclusion that riding lawn mowers are far superior in nearly every category. Shall I count the ways?

1)      My riding lawn mower has a gas tank with a capacity large enough that I can mow my entire three acres without once needing to refuel. My push mower, on the other hand, seems to have a gas tank that holds exactly half a teaspoon. This means I get to enjoy the challenge of refueling a tiny little tank with a five-gallon gas can. And I get to enjoy it often.

2)      My riding mower cuts a swath thru the grass that is 46” wide. My push mower cuts a 22” path. It doesn’t take a degree in advanced Mathematics to know that 46” >22”. Much greater. Even accounting for the difference in speed, on my riding mower I could finish my lawn in half the time. WHILE SEATED. Which leads me to:

3)      A place to sit down. My riding mower has one. My push mower seems not to; a poor design if you ask me.

4)     Baggers: both have one, but the riding mower has TWO. And I can DRIVE it to the grass-clipping compost area instead of CARRY it.

5)      Price. Ok, you got me there. And even if I bought two push mowers it would still be cheaper than my rider. Score one for the push mower.

6)     Cup holders. The riding mower has one, the push mower does not. Clearly, the riding mower is far more civilized. Driving around in the sunshine with and iced tea in the cup holder...does it get any better than that?

7)     Ditto headlights. Which is odd, really, because as long as it takes me to mow my yard with the push mower you’d think it would come equipped for that round-the-clock capability.

8)     A cubbyhole/glove box. I don’t really use it, but I’m sure it’s very handy to have when I need it. Could also double as a second cup holder.

9)     Did I mention the cushy, comfortable seat? For sitting?

I’d like to continue this list extoling the virtues of my riding mower over the push mower, but—speaking of continuing-- the sun continues to shine and the grass continues to grow. This time of the season my grass is growing so quickly I find myself in a continuous mowing cycle. At an impressive 22” wide swath. Because the push mower? It STARTS.

Uh, Sun?

Sun is not a four-letter S-word, Snow is. And I’ve had just about enough, thank you very much. Monday morning found me wading thru four inches of wet slop in Morton, with nary a sunbeam to behold. Thank you, NO, Snow, I’m so over you. Be gone!

When it hasn’t been snowing, the heavens have opened and the deluge has burst forth. With exactly the type of rain my grass seems to prefer growing to. And growing. And growing.

Oh, I know last week I was all “Oh, look at the sun, I think I’ll go for a walk. Perhaps have a nap. Whatever, my grass will be there when I get to it,” thinking that the scattered three days of sun would eventually attract each other and turn into multiple days of sun. And they will. Eventually. By my reckoning, probably around July 5—unless that day falls on a weekend and then—FOR SURE—the following Monday. But in the meantime, my lawn is rapidly converting itself in to a product more suitable for haying than for mowing.

I have managed to hook my lawnmower battery up to my lawnmower battery charger—and by managed, I of course mean somebody else did it for me—and my battery is now fully charged. I am ready. The weather? Not so much.

I know I have only myself to blame: I should have had my mower fully charged from March onward—waiting for the sun to peep out from behind the cloud cover so I could burst out of the garage astride my mower like horseman out of the gates after an elusive rodeo calf, make as many circuits of the lawn as the weather lull would allow before being forced to seek shelter from the rampaging elements’ return.

Perhaps someday I’ll desert the ranks of the ill-prepared and join that group of tight-jawed individuals who every February sit slowly stroking their mower blades by hand with a sharpening stone and a far-away look in their eyes, dreaming of that one, fine day in April when they can emerge from their winter long preparations and mow GRASS, not hay. Their oil is always changed, their spark plugs are never fouled.

They probably never get to have naps, though.

SUN

The sun was out. I hope you didn’t miss it.

By my count we have had three days of sun *already* this April! So far, for each of the three days, I have completed the following:

Day ONE) Rush outside to greet the sun. Begin winter, er pre-spring, er early spring cleanup of flower beds. Shed layers of clothing because SUN. Complete half of to-do list before losing focus and wandering off for a walk, because SUN.

 Day TWO) show up to work late because SUN. Complain while at work about being inside, BECAUSE SUN AND I’M PRETTY SURE OUR MOTHERS WOULD WANT US TO GO PLAY OUTSIDE. Yes, I know that’s not my inside voice, but SUN! SUN!! Go home from work and go for a walk.

Day THREE) ---wait, before we go on---I’m pretty sure I don’t have to tell my fellow western Washingtonians that the three days of sun in April have not been consecutive. Perhaps if you abide elsewhere you might not be aware of this phenomenon, but April sunshine is a rare and beautiful thing and those days hardly ever happen back-to-back.

Where was I?

Day THREE) Go outside wearing fewer layers. Decide to mow grass. Remember riding mower is buried deep in the garage, blocked in by the push-mower and a bunch of junk you were going to take to the thrift store “sometime” over the winter MONTHS before it would ever impede your need to easily access the riding mower. Get push-mower out. Fill it with gas. Start it (YAY!) Mow tiny side yard. Mow larger side yard. Remove last spare layer. Decide maybe it might be worth moving the thrift store stuff to get the riding mower out after all. Optimistically return to garage. Survey situation. Decide to see if the mower will start BEFORE you go to all the work of clearing a path—I must say, this was a masterful stroke of genius on my part. It left me so much more time to close the garage and go for a walk.

In the SUN.