Uh, Sun?

Sun is not a four-letter S-word, Snow is. And I’ve had just about enough, thank you very much. Monday morning found me wading thru four inches of wet slop in Morton, with nary a sunbeam to behold. Thank you, NO, Snow, I’m so over you. Be gone!

When it hasn’t been snowing, the heavens have opened and the deluge has burst forth. With exactly the type of rain my grass seems to prefer growing to. And growing. And growing.

Oh, I know last week I was all “Oh, look at the sun, I think I’ll go for a walk. Perhaps have a nap. Whatever, my grass will be there when I get to it,” thinking that the scattered three days of sun would eventually attract each other and turn into multiple days of sun. And they will. Eventually. By my reckoning, probably around July 5—unless that day falls on a weekend and then—FOR SURE—the following Monday. But in the meantime, my lawn is rapidly converting itself in to a product more suitable for haying than for mowing.

I have managed to hook my lawnmower battery up to my lawnmower battery charger—and by managed, I of course mean somebody else did it for me—and my battery is now fully charged. I am ready. The weather? Not so much.

I know I have only myself to blame: I should have had my mower fully charged from March onward—waiting for the sun to peep out from behind the cloud cover so I could burst out of the garage astride my mower like horseman out of the gates after an elusive rodeo calf, make as many circuits of the lawn as the weather lull would allow before being forced to seek shelter from the rampaging elements’ return.

Perhaps someday I’ll desert the ranks of the ill-prepared and join that group of tight-jawed individuals who every February sit slowly stroking their mower blades by hand with a sharpening stone and a far-away look in their eyes, dreaming of that one, fine day in April when they can emerge from their winter long preparations and mow GRASS, not hay. Their oil is always changed, their spark plugs are never fouled.

They probably never get to have naps, though.