Spring Ahead

Last weekend we turned the clocks ahead one hour in a barbaric ritual known as Sleep Sacrifice to the Sun God--- because of the constitutional requirement of separation of Church and State-- you might know it as “Daylight Savings Time.”

Now I know there are probably some proud Barbarians out there that will happily make the hour sacrifice with scarcely a murmur, but I am not one of them. I’m not saying I don’t appreciate the “extra” daylight—I do-- but I’m pretty sure you don’t have to make me GET UP EARLIER TO LOOK AT IT.  I promise to look at the sun---or what passes for “sun” this time of year—at a more civilized hour. Actually, I was thinking noon would be the perfect time to rise. That way I can appreciate the sun at its zenith. That seems a reasonable plan.

Alas, such a thing is not to be. No matter how I try to resist acclimating to the barbarous time change I am forced to adapt. Society insists on strict adherence to the earlier start, so unless I’m willing to show up an hour late everywhere I go, I have to conform.

I am, at best, a Reluctant Adaptor. And regardless of the laws separating Church and State, Reluctant Adaptors are treated as heretics. Or sloths. Or worse---People Who Don’t Know How to Change the Clock in Their Car—PWDKHCCC for short. (Short-ish.)

Let me be perfectly CLEAR: I DO know how to change the clock in my car. I do. I just don’t want to. And before you can start poking holes in my assertion - let me distract you with an additional argument: I have far too many clocks in my house---15. What can I say, I like clocks--- to be forced to adapt to changing them all. I’ll lose far more than an hour, I can promise you that. So in order to SAVE time---which is the whole philosophy behind the reset, right?---I refuse to waste it remembering how to reset my car clock just to prove I’m not a PWDKHCCC.

Stop being so judgey.