Uncle

Ok weather, you win.

(There's the gate, where's the Garden?)

I’ve tried complaining about you. That hasn’t worked. Oh, sure, while there is a certain satisfaction to be gained from a good kvetch, over time it loses its cathartic properties and just becomes “same song, second verse,” yada, yada, yada, yawn.

I’ve tried ignoring you. Don’t give the snow any attention and it will get bored by non-attention and wander off. Right. That works so well. NOT.

Some people, in what I hope is an attempt to cheer me up---no matter how misguided the approach---will tell me “Don’t worry, it’s still Winter after all. It’s not Spring for X amount of days!” I, of course, take offense to that approach for several reasons. 1) This time of year is NOT winter. It is Early Spring, Spring’s Pre-Season. Time for the weather to practice getting its Spring on. And everyone knows you warm up for Spring BY WARMING UP. Stop snowing already! And 2) don’t use X as a stand in for numbers when you know full well I’ve had to kiss and make up with Math and now can’t even make a math hating joke to cheer myself up. That’s just cruel. No--- it’s cold.  

Sacrifice to the god of Winter

I’ve tried using homemade pagan rituals against you. In a fit of pique one day I took my left-over Christmas Poinsettias and stuck them out in the snow, hoping their demise would appease the god of Winter---who shall remain nameless because I didn’t pay attention in Mythology class, although I do remember Persephone is the goddess of Spring and was in need of a good restraining order six months of the year.

Where was I?

Anger? Check. Denial? Check. Bargaining? Check.

That brings me to my last line of defense---Acceptance. Ok, weather, you win. Look how pretty the snow is, so clean, and white and fluffy! No grass to mow, no flowers to water! “I love my comfy sweater, how cute are these boots?” (I think I stole that last line from an old Gap commercial, I don’t know, I have cabin fever, it’s not my fault, I’ve overdosed on hot chocolate.)

Uncle, already weather. 

I. 

Give. 

Up.