Mousecapades: Learning Curve

I was going to title this “Mouse Escapades” but “escapades” looks too much like “escape” –NO SPOILERS PLEASE!

I don’t have a dog, but that’s ok, because my various neighbors have various dogs and I get to enjoy them vicariously. These big, fierce dogs are sweetly protective of me and—in appreciation of their efforts-- I occasionally, perhaps often, give them crunchy li’l dog biscuits. Which they crunch. Appreciatively.

Sometimes, this appreciative crunching causes crumbs, but hey—no problem. I can tolerate a few crumbs on my doorstep, no biggie, right? Good doggies!

Narrator voice: Crumbs are, in fact a biggie. Crumbs draw mice...appreciative mice, but mice none the less...And doorways are sometimes left open. DOT DOT DOT, foreshadow.

Abby & Annie, snuggle cats.

I don’t have dogs, but I do have two cats. These are small, sweet cats whose job it is to protect me from mice. It’s not a difficult job—my house was built to be draft proof, which translates into mouse-proof. The only way a mouse can get into my house is through an open door, or if one of my VERY BAD CATS—I’m looking at you, Abby—brings one in.

Over the years I have learned—the hard way—not to recklessly fling open the door just because AbbyCat wants in. I’ve learned to block the door opening with my foot, then crack it open and give Abby a visual once-over before allowing her entrance. I haven’t gone as far as to require a body-cavity search before I allow her in, but I do make her turn out her pockets. AnnieCat rarely leaves the sofa, so she has never been subjected to a kitty pat-down. Perhaps this is an unwise, discriminatory practice. Perhaps this is kitty profiling. Perhaps.

The biggest learning curve I have—actually, it’s more of a non-learning flatline—is to NOT LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN when I run outside for just a minute, to do one quick little thing-- and the door is just open just a little bit, for just a moment, and oh, look, here’s one other little thing that I can do real quick like, and oh, hello old friend who has dropped by for just a moment to tell me one quick thing and we end up standing outside talking for a bit, but it was good to see you, goodbye, now what was I doing—oh yes. Chore, chore, real quick-like. Now back inside and oh, my. Did I really leave the door open that long? Oh well, no harm, no foul, no problem.

Narrator voice: There was, in fact, a problem...